Nice&Snappy xD

2012-01-28T17:57:00.001+08:00

Can anybody hear me~

Or am i talking to myself~

my mind is running empty~

for the search for someone else~

New start new beginning new life. All the best.

2012-01-04T10:56:00.008+08:00

Straits Times:

The results of the 2011 GCE O levels will be released on 9 January 2012 monday. ... at 2pm...

Omg i pray that i will do awesome for this and that everyone will leave the hall happy.

Please please please bless me. Im nervous.

2011-12-14T19:21:00.000+08:00

2011-12-14T19:12:00.003+08:00

Another day passed and another day wasted. Yes, i feel like im wasting my life away. Oh whatever.

Happy happy run with awesomenesses yesterday and everything was like totally worth it :D Work today and then home now. I have sooooooooooooo much life man -.-

Anyway, found out that i can see alot into peoples life and their behavior just through looking through their cars. Interesting eh. Another thing i found out, i like this job because i see many many many different kinds of people who make huge impressions on me. It is interesting. The other day there was this family from myanmar and their stories were incredible. Hearing about peoples life and the troubles they faced to become what they are today, i like that.

Also, my hobby tending to my plants have been going well and my plants are now strong and fit muahaha :D a new pasttime i had strating today. Learning malay. Regretted not listening in class during lower sec now but no worries. Learning malay onwards from today muahahaha.

To end off, i say "saya ingat awak".

2011-12-13T19:35:00.003+08:00

Here i am, once again

Im torn into pieces

Cant deny it, cant pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you wont get to see the tears i cry

Behind these hazel eyes

Heyhey everyone, here i am, once again. Well today hadnt been the most awesomest of the days, it hadnt even been normal. Today was BAD but no point harping on it i guess. I am sooooo bored everyday at work, i want to sleep and i am so sick of working.

Anyway today was one of the days i went,

I was thinking about her

Thinking about me

Thinking about us

Where we gonna be

Open my eyes ...

It was only just a dream.

Which i realise it was only wishful thinking you know. Even though i've said "now i understand that its better we remain awesome friends", but inside of me i do feel the pain. But today i was thinking and i realised how worlds apart we actually are.

We watch different kinds of shows.

We listen different kinds of music.

We have different definitions of everything.

We have different personalities.

We read different kinds of books.

We talk about different kinds of things.

We have different kinds of friends.

We have different opinions of ourselves.

We have very different lives.

We just do not click that way.

So ive made up my mind to follow my words. I guess we could just remain as very awesome friends and i probably should give up on all my wishful thinkings. To rephrase; i give up. Real awesome friends i guess, nothing further (even though i hope for more) but oh well, things do not go my way.

Haiz, todays one of those days i go

My heart cant possibly break

When it wasnt even whole to start with.

Byebye good memories.

2011-12-09T23:36:00.002+08:00

Ok quick post.

Back from HQNCC after a day of work. Went to HQNCC to witness the POP of C/OFFR Elwin Ang and Chng Wee Liang. Congrats you two on becoming officers.

I could have been one of them in the parade too today had i decided to go for it but i guess some people really do just turn me off.

Yup and now we have 2 new officers.

2011-12-09T23:06:00.012+08:00

2011-12-07T20:02:00.002+08:00

And here i am typing my chalet experience with 1B beloved before i forget them all.

Hmm first day we met at 2 outside whitesands. Was supposed to meet klins early but i took my time haha. Ended up with him walking around on his own. Made our way to chalet, zhensheng before the late one, and went into the chalet. 4 played mahjong while 6 played monopoly deal. The people who went were gabriel, weihong, gemonn, klinsmann, zhensheng, ruiming. bryan, me, huizhen, xinyu, kimberly, lydia. Headed to Ehub and waited for huizhen and xinyu. Ruiming and bryan went to play world combat at arcade and they played like a boss. They only spent $1 to last the 40min game. Zai. Went to eat after that and bowling session (with screwed up pins) :D Back to chalet, stacked mahjong tiles to play jenga and crazy people screaming when it fell :)

I went home with xinyu, taking the shuttlebus and then mrt. Heard from gemonn that the rest stayed up the night and watch movie and ton.

Woke up the next day and went to school to take stuff from yonghui. Talked with him and played cards and then rushing to chalet because i thought i was late. Bought milo at the kopitiam and went to the chalet. Turned out that most of them (lydia, ruiming, bryan) went home to sleep before coming back and the rest were playing poker. At 10.50am. Zhensheng sleeping cutely and i went in to take a picture :D woke him up and he thought it was 9am lol. Could see the cui faces on their faces but couldnt do anything. Went to play frisbee but it failed to the max (freaking hot sun) back to chalet to play cards where hands and fingers got slapped. crushed, scratched, whacked and other bodily harms :D Went to take shuttlebus to whitesands but ruiming didnt want to go and so we left first. Bought BBQ stuff and suddenly everyone had the black face. Which scared me and i went to ask gemonn why mood suddenly change and then he said maybe its because of just now and then the chalet etc. So it was weird buying stuff and everyone looked angry to me (lydia claimed it was the chui look) but i think everyone was kinda cranky and klinsmann even got shot by lydia. Bought stingray (yay) and many other stuff, took shuttlebus back again with bryan and klinsmann pangsehed. They took the cab in the end. Mood at chalet was even worse and so gemonn and i plus xinyu went to the kitchen to prepare some of the food (and to avoid the moodiness outside) Had fun testing my cutting knifing skills and entertained myself much preparing the food with gemonn <3 After that, we went to cycle and went all the way to just before simei mrt before heading back. Gemonn has the traffic light syndrome where he failed to cross the first 3 traffic lights when everyone else managed to lol. Mood lifted considerably during the ride and many hilarious incidents happened. Plus me being a public nuisance with the 10 little ducks song. Cycled with lydia on the way back and chat with her, pretty nice chat i felt. The journey back was way faster and it did not rain even though clouds were threatening. Back to chalet where the rest played cards and gemonn and i started the fire. With me being very enthu because i like it. I was super high then and now i am glad i was. Weihong felt sick so he was sleeping while we cycled. The fire started beautifully but i used too many fire starters and so the charcoal ran out fast. First round of cooking didnt yield much but i went to the shop with gemonn to buy more charcoal and drinks. Got ripped off. Anyway second fire looked like a failure with everyone crowding around trying to get it started. I was about to give up too when i started fanning like crazy and xinyu threw in matchsticks and WHOOSH the fire started. Honestly i felt that signified our moods then. The whole chalet felt bleak and almost failing like the second fire and then it started to WHOOSH and everyones spirit lifted. I was cheering like mad when the fire started and i was so so so so so honestly happy. Second round of BBQ was a 100% success where we cooked all the food and the fire was absolutely perfect. Headed back home after group picture and hugs and before sleeping, i thought that the BBQ was a perfect ending to my 1B chalet experience. I slept happy.

Honestly speaking, i didnt feel that ive had fun during the chalet. Instead, i felt like i was home again, with people who know me long and well. I could talk about anything with them without carefully going my words through in my head (and insulting many in the process) but i feel free. I felt like i had no worries and that genuine warm feeling i know lydia was talking about. Even though many mood changing things happened, i felt like i could live forever with this bunch of people throughout the chalet. If i say i had fun that would be an understatement. Like throughout the chalet i was sticking with gemonn, and he could read my mind, knowing what im going to say next, laughing along with me, singing with me, entertaining me, enduring my lameness, helping me out and being such a great friend, and he was not the only one. Lydia, kimberly, klinsmann and the rest all were just as awesome. Words cannot describe but i think this is what chinese called 知己. People who know you best, who are rare in our short lifetime. I feel blessed.

Saddens me that this may be the very last outing we will ever have, saddens me that everything turned out this way in the end. We will eventually go on with our new lives and meet new friends and forget about each other. At least we had a few lovely years with each other.

One thing about me. When doing things for people i love, i go all the way willingly. This is the reason i could perservere on for my part's bonding camp, and is also the strength that drove me to do the BBQ well and get everyone's spirit up for the chalet. And i am glad i ended the day happy.

I dont know whether the rest enjoyed it as much as i do, but i defintely had the time of my life.

2011-12-07T19:26:00.009+08:00

2011-11-30T21:57:00.002+08:00

Hey yo wassup yup back from brisbane yesterday and it was real awesome :D Lets see what i did before i forget.

Day 1. Reached at 9am their time. Went to check in hotel. Headed to chinatown for lunch at around 2 (their time) which is local time 12. Ate some chinese food (roasted pidgeons) and walked around. Back to hotel to slack. Marriots brisbane. Old but nice enough. Saw an all saints church in brisbane. Teleported from AHS. Some random girl told me to take a picture of her and i did. That red shirt girl with red cross lol. Had a seafood dinner afterwards and ate many oysters nice big fresh cold raw. High cholestrol :D after that another walk before heading back to hotel.

Day 2. Woke up at around 10. Had breakfast. Sister went to the porsches driving classes (to play with porsches) and my mum and i went to koala sanctuary. We took the public bus ($5.40 per trip) which gave me quite a view of the peoples life there. 30 min bus ride. Reached the place, explored the place and just went i was about to take pictures of the main attraction (koalas) my camera battery died. Such a waste. $30 entrance fee. Saw bees koalas kangaroos snaked frogs dingoes platypus bats (quite big ones) and many many other animals native to australia. Back to hotel via public bus again. Ate cup noodles and had dinner at some german pub where the servings are HUGE. Walked to uptown to visit the casino. Mum played there while i slacked around.

Day 3. Woke up at 5am plus to catch the sunrise and bloody hell. The sun was way up high already. Crazy crazy crazy. Can you believe sunrise is at 3 4 plus am?!!! Sister at lesson again and mum and i went to weekend markets along the brisbane river (freaking long river). Walked for 5 hours and bought souveiniers like the funny badges. Beautiful wildlife and a man made lagoon along the way. Crossed many bridges and saw many beautiful sights and sceneries. Back to hotel and off to chinatown. Mum had craving for beef noodles and we went all over to find one ($10.80) Back to hotel and then off for some japanese korean bbq cuisine. Finished eating and i went to get a slurpee and walked.

Day 4. Woke up 9 plus to pack up. Slacked until 11 and checked out. Went to queens street mall and something weird embarrassing awkward happened to me. Mum and sis shopped (typical) and i slacked around outside on the bench. Then these two australian girls walked past and sat beside me. Then they started a convo with me. which went like.

Girl 1: Hey are you Bill?

Me: HUH? (singapore style)

Girl 1: Are you Bill? Im sure you are.

Me: Nope im not Bill.

Girl 2 starts videoing on her iphone.

Girl 1: Im sure youre Bill. I went to this party yesterday and i met you and i can swear you are Bill. *faces girl 2* why are you filming this down?

Girl 2: *laughs*

Girl 1: I can really swear youre Bill.

Me: No im not. Is this a prank or something?

Girl 1: No this is not. Why would i even want to prank you?

Girl 2: Ya this is not a prank.

Me: *looks at them*

Girl 1: Whats your name then.

Girl 2: Ya, im rebecca.

Me: Hi rebecca

Girl 1: Whats your name?

Me: *shy* shant tell you.

*at this moment a flash mob occurred and everyone was distracted*

Me: *looking at flash mob trying to avert them*

Girl 2: So we shall be going then, bye

Me: Oh erm goodbye.

It was so awkward i didnt know what to say like totally (and they were very pretty) and so i was like nervous and stumbled on my words :D so embarrassing. Does it sound like a prank to you?

-disclaimer-

the exact convo may differ as this is based on my memory. its something like this though

-disclaimer-

It was so embarrassing. Anyway back to what i did. Took a video of the flash mob. (if you want to see the flash mob they are on youtube. search brisbane queens street mall kpop flash moB 28/11/11) headed to a shopping mall and slacked there. Visited a pie shop called pie face and slacked there too (nice pies btw) and then to hotel to slack even more and then taxi ($40) to airport. And finally back.

So thats basically my trip to brisbane. Yup.

My thoughts throughout:

1) The stuff there are real expensive $10 for wonton mee $24 for a guys haircut $5 for a bus trip $3 for a canned drink 10% GST

2) There are very few motorcycles there.

3) The roads are all up and down like hills and its a pain walking but try sitting the bus. You would be like bouncing up and down lol.

4) The roads are real wide.

5) The normal houses people stay in are semi ds with swimming pools.

6) There is so much space there.

7) There are many pubs there and all the australians do are drink drink drink drink drink and drink. A new pub every 15 footsteps. Serious.

8) Shops close at 4pm there so theres nothing to do at night.

9) There are quite a few anti chinese people there.

10) I am a victim of the pretending-that-your-english-very-zai-and-thinking-you-speak-like-a-pro syndrome. I talk with an accent to the people there.

11) My mum keeps speaking chinese over there when englishs the language. She went up to the cashier and went 这个多少 and later she went oh sorry how much is this?

12) There are many bridges there over the brisbane river which is winding and long

13) many tame birds in the wild who pose for pictures

14) The sun there shines really brightly and the radiation on your skin is like a sunny day in spore. the temperature there is the same currently but there is a constant cool wind about. However at night the cool wind bites your bones and i find myself shivering lol.

15) the crazy australians only activity after workand at night is to drink eat drink.

16) The schools there are like in the middle of nowhere

17) the fashion with teen there is to wear very tight shirts and skirts that are long at the back and short in front.

18) People are absolutely friendly over there

19) The waiters and everyone there are more polite professional and thoughtful than singapore's

20) The streets are lined with modern and ancient building beside each other. So its like one building is a brick built chapel with a stunning majestic glass skyscraper beside it. Pretty contrasting.

21) I like how all the staff there are local and there is no need for foreigners other than for tourism.

22) They love beer sun beer over there

23) Their facils are not as good but service 10 times better

24) I had fun there

:D :D :D

Thats all for now.

2011-11-30T19:49:00.005+08:00

Woohoo look what someone just signed up for!!!

Entertaining myself at work

Sister went for these lessons on driving porsches in Brisbane

2011-11-29T22:38:00.003+08:00

2011-11-14T17:27:00.001+08:00

This is why i love klinsmann so much. Haha.

2011-11-14T17:05:00.003+08:00

Stabbed the strawberry to death with a toothpick and it bled.

2011-11-14T16:58:00.002+08:00

Anybody else realised that we are like planets in the exam hall? The person in front and behind of us will always be the same, yet the person beside us changes every paper. Comparing that to planets, we are the planets and we are all travelling in our own specific pathway.

Haiz.

Its the end of olevels but i dont feel the surge of happiness i had expected. It feels empty now, like weird that you are not studying. And weird that you dont have to come school for official stuff anymore after tomorrow.

That we have 2 months ahead of nothingness and i dont even know how fun will that be.

Till then, shall see whether im rotting already.

2011-10-29T19:23:00.001+08:00

If my life was made into a movie it would probably bore the audience to sleep.

If my thoughts were made into a movie instead the audience would most probably end up as confused as i am.

2011-10-23T22:42:00.000+08:00

All the best. One wrong move.

2011-10-19T21:46:00.005+08:00

2011-10-19T21:37:00.001+08:00

Everybody's hurt somebody before
Everybody's been hurt by somebody before
You can change but you will always come back for more
Its a game and we are all just victims of love.
Don't try to fight it, victims of love
You can't decide it, victims of love, victims of love

2011-10-11T00:21:00.003+08:00

Recently, i realised i was no longer the person i used to be proud of being. Now, i am not sure of what i should be proud of. I tried, i really did. Guess its that as you meet more kinds of people when you grow older, you just have no choice but to harden your heart.
Honestly, if i had a choice, i wouldn't want to be 16. Its like a curse, a worrying reminder that next year, you may just have to start over new again. I wasn't very fond of entering secondary school either, and the awkwardness, the horrible process of just starting new again was Hell for me. I hate to be repeating this awkwardness again. I am one who treasures friendships i consider true, and i am glad i had 1B people like lydia, Kimberly, Klinsmann who made my sec 1 life so much more fulfilling. My 20 other platoon mates who made my 4 years crazily entertaining. I may not show it but i really really love the lot of them. To think now i have to be separated from them, to make new friends and eventually forget about them, it hurts me. True, there's Facebook and all now but don't you agree the essence of true friendship is lost?
If i get to choose, i will go back in time, before 16. True, i have the exact same problems and worries then and now, and my life was no better, but at least there was the me I was proud of then. I feel that as i grow older, i lost my innocence, along with all the values i wanted to be. Im becoming someone else, not the me I would like to be, not the me I used to be.
Its now less than 2 weeks before olevels but i feel like going back instead of front. Back to the times where i did stupid stuff, said stupid things, hurt others, thought craziness inside out. I don't want to leave my 4 years of memories. People say to progress is to create more beautiful memories. They are too optimistic, for every good memory comes with a bad one as there is always balance in this world. And if i want to progress to create more of such memories, i would say Im dumb. Thanks, but I've had my fair share of unhappy memories here already. Do i want to have more?
I am sad now no doubt. I am a stick rigid guy who hate changes even if its for the good. I prefer being in a zone where Im totally comfortable in. But it looks like i have no choice. 4 years ago i dreaded coming to secondary school and 4 years later, i dread going into Jc. I have to leave what i have grown to love behind. Leave my memories behind. Leave myself behind.
I really don't want this to be happening. But it must.
Farewell people. I may not remember you in future, but you would definitely have impacted my life.

To meet, to know, to love, and to part
That's the saddest tale of a human heart.

2011-09-17T13:47:00.002+08:00

Read this saying yesterday:

To meet, to know, to love, and to part-

Thats the saddest tale of a human heart.

How very true, it probably has happened to everyone. Life passes so quickly, definitely will be seperated from friends i love so much next year. Then again, i will make new friends and lose them too. The saddest tale of a human heart.

So many things have happened, so little words spoken, actions say it all. Its a difficult journey ahead for the next few months and i better get my ass off to studying.

I never had as much fun as yesterday for a long time already. I must be getting old.

2011-09-17T13:24:00.016+08:00

ME.

Lightning 1

Lightning 2

Lightning 3

Lightning 4

2011-09-09T17:05:00.003+08:00

Recently, i feel disappointed with everyone around me. Maybe its just me, but i feel real horrible now. I hate this kind of headaches. If only life could be simpler for me.

I want to scream out loud.

2011-09-05T19:48:00.002+08:00

I always feel that my life just loves screwing me up. So close, yet not being able to do anything. So perfect, yet non-ideal. Its one of those days where life brings me to the top of the building to see beautiful scenery, so close so beautiful, before pushing me down to my death and all that i had wished for became dust.

Its one of those days. My life is so predictably-unpredictable.

2011-07-25T18:31:00.001+08:00

If every sneeze i have means we are thinking of each other, i wouldn't mind sneezing every minute.

I will only dread the day i stop sneezing anymore. All the best.

2011-07-23T11:33:00.005+08:00

2011-07-19T23:23:00.002+08:00

So many things. So many thoughts. So many happenings. Information overload day.

Had 2 of my dreams crushed today. Sad no doubt but its the cold hard truth. So numb that even eating cut chilli has no effect.

Kinda used to having my hopes down the drain already. Some things just ain't meant to go my way. Funny how even though you don't want to know but the info still comes to you anyway.

I am a failure. Its depressing. I am feeling super pressurized now by so many many things, not only about studies. On the verge of breaking with no one beside me. Im falling with no one to catch me.

Envious is how i feel recently. So many many thing to envy about. I want to scream and let it out but i cant do that at home nor at school. So many things stressing me out too. I want to do something. But what can i do?

I know what changed in me in sec sch. I started to remember things. Flashes of my pri sch life. I remember many decisions i made. Split second. Decisive. I look at myself now. A pathetic guy filled with what ifs. Filled with regrets. Filled with memories that will never never reenact. I really suck.

So so many things to say. But i can't explain. Its just me.

I can only please a person a day. Today, its not your day. Tomorrow, it ain't looking good either.

2011-07-09T14:31:00.002+08:00

Exams are over but i dont feel the thrill. Around 5 weeks to prelim 3 which is THE one to care about. Trying to catch up with all i lost last year. I like studying in school library. Taking a break today but carrying on tomorrow. Its no time to slack.

Doing testimonial the other day which reminded me of my life so far. Especially my NCC life. It has been rewarding and we have gone a long way. I felt that i actually did benefit a lot. Long long time ago when i came in in sec 1, NCC wasnt mt first choice but i made do with it. Went to Part A camp and Yonghui being the joke, brought sweets and poker cards thinking it was fun. Went through part a IMT, Trainfire, Camp FEAST, went through bayonet trainings. Wasnt suppossed to be the main star at first but was subbed in because of better training attendance which made me feel guilty. After that Part B. Went through orienteering with Weeliang. Wasnt the best of partners at the start but during the last few hikes we managed to work well and get highest for all. It wasnt easy. Orienteering at Pulau Ubin was crazier but we both went back with our LCPs, and a better bond. Part B IMT and trainfire again, with Camp STEEL and all. Got selected for shooting competition which i was proud of and became a Part B marksmen. Joined PDS and endured craziness of trainings. Fun and educational. Lots of philosophies learnt. Was almost kicked out of PDS during one training and it was real funny. Had ironman where i failed to be a survivor. Went through Part B camp with even funnier stories and memories to remember by now. Attained outstanding cadet and best in arms drill award. After that was PDS orientation. I am so proud of my batch even though we arent that good but at least we were awesome. Part C, had interviews for our posts, i chose PS. Made through the interviews and became a PS. Shocked that i became a PDI too as i was almost kicked out of PDS. Bonding camp OIC. Crazy stuff that had me stressed out and i lost my temper at many people. Im so sorry. Thanks for people i spoke too like claudia and weeliang who helped me greatly to get my sanity back. Bonding camp was a success in my opinion. PDS competition afterwards. Had a dispute with the others as they insisted on changing the sequence. Got 4th in singapore after that which others said it was not that bad but i was disappointed. Freestyle drill competition which we got 9th in singapore and my part was emoing in the bus back. Took over as part b ps. Had great dreams for them but i was disappointed in the end. It cant be changed so nevermind. Attended specialists course and managed a best in platoon award. NDP in school which was interesting. PDS basic course where i got 3rd in course and sherman was best in course. Went for PDS AI course after that and got 4th while sherman got 2nd and shunkai was just behind me. The 2 weeks for PDS AI was crazy where i had to wake up at crazy hours to go shermans house.Seniors specialist course where i was closest among the others from my batch who went to get an award, which i failed to get because of a silly mistake. Became a staff sergeant, proud of it. Took the juniors for PDS orientation with hell before that making the song and all. Highly screwed up, partly my fault. Part D time had argued with elwin guangjun about being transferred to part a. Stayed with part c who keep pissing me off haha. Took them for PDS competition which they got 10th. Went to their part c camp which did not meet the objective. Went for the orienteering which they took and went crazy with weeliang chionging down hills and seeing spiders, remembering our orienteering days. POP was the most memorable i ever had and dedicated myself to making the video of us, bringing about a perfect end to a meaningful NCC life.

I am proud of whatever i have achieved in MY NCC life. SSG with AI and awards. It was bountiful. Now it should be time for me to let go, but i am not. Because i have the same sentiments as tongwei. AHSNCC changed me into a better person, i learnt a lot from it, which is why i cannot bear to see it slide down. I have the exact same feeling. I want the future to experience what i have experienced. To learn what i have learnt. But with all the crap nowadays, no pumping, less training time, bullshit teachers, i am really sad. The CCA which had taught me so so so much is becoming a piece of crap. Nevermind i doubt you get what i mean.

Weeliang, i am doing this not because i want to come back. I am doing this because i do not want to see what i love so much becoming something worthless. Something just to meet the requirement. I will not come back as a CLT, but i will do my all to prevent AHSNCC from sliding further.

All the best.

2011-07-09T14:15:00.004+08:00

2011-06-30T22:02:00.002+08:00

I believe that balance exists in this world. If your life now is a bed of roses, it will be bed of thorns later. If you are lucky now, you will be unlucky later. If you are vexed by problems now, everything will turn out right in the end.

Its like a the start of the day, you know the sun will set later. And at night, you know the sun will rise later. Its that simple.

I always felt that being all that brave, giving the tough guy image was stupid. Keep it up and you will go crazy soon. I would say that its ok to cry when you can't take it anymore. Enduring it will make you worse. There's nothing to gain being the cool guy all the time. There must be a balance between coolness and being human - one with emotions.

Its really sad to know but there's nothing i can do. I understand that its nature doing her work so by right i can't blame anyone. But that doesn't mean i am not going upside down and breathless all the time. It really sucks.

Its ok to be gay sometimes. There's the balance. I am not showing the other side because i you will not be able to take it. Even if you are i will not do it. There's a time for it but it is not now. Believe in balance i am not showing it now but one day, the need to will force me to. You May not understand my words now. Its only for my understanding.

Guthix.

2011-06-20T18:13:00.001+08:00

Crazy brandy.

2011-06-19T20:58:00.002+08:00

Hey, erm, is there even a chance?

When you know that its pointless but you keep holding on. When you know its over but you hope for a 'what if'. When its so obvious but you but had to go and find out more. To make yourself feel much worse than now. To make you cry.

I must be dumb because i did just that. Knowing that its over but going to take a look, hoping for a glimpse of hope, in the end making myself sadder. What's the point of being so great when you are actually so fragile inside. So useless. Bet heroes don't feel like that.

Im tearing myself apart. So much memories. Is there even a tiny little chance?

I know the answer is no. But i still do hope for a little maybe. Or a miracle. Sucks.

2011-06-16T22:49:00.002+08:00

Last day of grandma's wake. My sisters and i did not sleep through the night. Its like the last thing we can do before grandma gets cremated.

The night before cousin stayed at the wake alone. Apparently everyone else went to sleep, leaving her alone to be at the wake. Grandma came back again because she saw the shadow, a human shadow,moving around the void deck. Considering that she was the only one there, and it wasn't her shadow, whose do you think it is?

My mum said i got one relative who has the yinyangyan. The eye that can see "things". That relative was there yesterday and she said grandma was walking around the void deck and the wake kind of like soaking in the atmosphere because it was real crowded that day. She said grandma stayed to look, she was smiling,and then said bye to her before starting on her journey to the gates. I believe what she said because i kind of felt her there too even though i don't have yinyangyan can't see.

I was hoping to be able to see grandma come back when i stayed for the night but nothing happened. Spent the night playing cards and phone.

Morning and we left for the cremation. I would say it was grand because behind the van containing the coffin, there were about 40 of us walking and following. We followed the van from inside the estate to the main road, walking barefooted. Many people stopped and stared, come out of their shops and look. It was grand.

We had 2 buses to fetch us to mandai crematorium. Emotional moment was sending the coffin into the fire. We were supposed to tell her to avoid the fire, it will only burn the casket and not the body. When the coffin was being put into place the whole viewing room was dead quiet. When the conveyor belt started moving,everyone shouted for grandma to avoid the fire. It was loud. 40 people shouting in one room, i can't even hear myself.

Went to gusiling to see grandmas tablet. And then we went back to mandai in the afternoon to collect the ashes. The skull was strangely disturbing. I took the hip 0.o

took the urn to the block to put into the hole. Last prayers before the man sealed the hole up. Just like that, one life is over. I was thinking, my grandma was such a highly respected and loved person. Am i able to be one too? Would my funeral be a happy one too? Would it be as grand? Would i even be remembered.

I want to be remembered haha.

May my grandma be blessed wherever she is now. She died a happy great-grandma.

2011-06-15T00:09:00.002+08:00

My grandma came back on Mon night/Tue morning. It was interesting.

My grandma house has this baby bike thingy with the sound and music thing at the front. In the middle of the night it started ringing on its own. My cousin asked my other cousin to go upstairs from the wake to off the thing. They took out the battery. After that my cousin went back down to the wake and the sound rang on its own again. Without batteries.

After that it was the maids turn. The maid took care of grandma when she was ill. She was very close to grandma and she met grandma at night. She was sleeping when she heard my grandma deep breathing. I don't know how to describe. Its like the "hugh" kind of voice. Then the maid asked "mama, you came back already ah" then the hugh sound reply her. Then the maid asked " mama where are you, i want to see you." but in the end grandma didn't reply.

In the morning the whole family in the house heard grandma bed creak. Ever since she passed away no one occupied the bed. The creaking sound was those kind that sound when you wake up and rise from bed. Awesome. I am fully convinced grandma came back :)

These are totally true and not exaggerated. Really happened. My grandma came back. Haha. The maid was really brave. She so close with grandma until grandma come back she also not scared. Brave.

Tomorrow night i tonning before she cremated. Hmm. Last thing i could do. Till then.

2011-06-14T09:45:00.002+08:00

My grandma's wake yesterday was a lively one. There were close to 25 people there sitting and chatting. Which is great because grandma loves crowds. It was quite a happy occasion and we had 3 tables playing mahjong and 1 table playing cards.

My mum isn't sad and strangely, neither am i. My grandma lived to 81 so there's nothing to be sad about yeah. She's going to get cremated soon.

Yeah that's all i guess. Will be going back tonight. My grandma is smiling in the coffin :)

2011-06-12T22:07:00.002+08:00

Thank goodness i didn't go for student camp. I had saved myself from being an unfilial grandson.

I can hear the camp people having fun now. They are blasting fireworks and the stupid guy holding the mike keep shouting are you ready are you ready haha.

My grandma passed away today afternoon. It was peaceful and at least someone was at her side. It was only a month ago that she was diagnosed with terminal stage ovarian cancer and now she passed away. She didn't suffer long in a sense.

Was at her funeral since 1. Amazing to see how everything was carried out so quickly. She passed away at 1215. My family reached at around 1250. By 5 everything was registered and done, my relatives all came to send her off and she had the preserving injection and makeup on. That is fast.

Good thing that many came to send my grandma off. She wasn't an ordinary person, just that i wasn't much close to her. I am glad her funeral was a happy one. Everyone knew she lived long enough and her suffering was short. She has 6 children, 12 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild. Satisfying for her I guess.

Well. Rest in peace grandma.

2011-05-28T15:22:00.002+08:00

Grandma's not looking ok.

Just visited her. She looked frail, and she was breathless. She kept vomitting and in alot of pain. Ouch. The doctor said the cancer cells are already in the whole abdomen, mainly in the lungs and tummy area, fluid in lungs too.

The cause is unknown yet but they guess to be from the ovaries.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Not good at all hmm.

(I think its hereditary)

2011-05-27T16:41:00.002+08:00

Well, i am very messed up and confused inside now.

My mum called me a while ago. She sounded pissed and was like "WHERE ARE YOU!" Then i told her where i was, then she said that my grandma got cancer and is in hospital now. I didnt know what to say you know. It was shocking.

Hmm, dont know what is going to happen now, hopefully it will become better. Visiting her soon. Until then.

2011-05-26T16:17:00.003+08:00

Awesomeness a hundred times. Another slack day and im enjoying it really really much before the hectic life kicks back in. I feel like im floating now, but i have to come back down real soon. Im enjoying my days, but the fun wont last forever.

Today was as great as the past 2 days. Laughed alot and felt like me again, away from all the pretense. It feels great knowing that things were kind of like back in time too, when everyone was happier.

I cant believe how lucky i was these few days. So many things happened, so many things that made me smile. Career Day was nothing much, but it was awesomely entertaining, i dont mind staying back for 3 hours for it. Haha.

Oh my oh my oh my. Another happy day i experienced.

2011-05-26T16:16:00.000+08:00

2011-05-25T16:08:00.002+08:00

Can you believe it? Today was much like yesterday, just much much slacker. Hahaha awesomeness! I dont mind life like that everyday. :D

Got back chem paper today. 44.5 upon 80. Oh well i studied hard. Hmm got alot to improve on.

What i learnt today:
Everyone likes the wind blowing in your face. The cooling sensation, the feel of air brushing across your face. But to experience winds, there must be a very hot region in order to create a region of lower pressure, but no one likes heat. Like hot sunny days in singapore. So is it possible to experience wind without a hot sunny day? No.

There will not be any fruits if there are no sufferings, because if you do not suffer, you wont even know that those are fruits.

2011-05-24T20:08:00.002+08:00

Today was real awesome for me. Totally haha.

No lessons, no teachers, no demoralising papers, haha. English workshop was alright hopefully tomorrow will be just like today! I went cycling after school too! 20km from my house all the way to changi beach and back. Awesome much. Found more reasons why i love singapore. Butt ache now but my heart is happy happy in and out. I love today haha.

Happily satisfied.

2011-05-24T20:06:00.001+08:00

2011-05-23T16:08:00.002+08:00

Yay i went cycling alone! But not to marina barrage though.

Went to catch some wind around my neighbourhood. And found reasons why i like singapore so much hahaha. I like cycling around aimlessly without time limit (from those stupid shops at ECP).

Fun day today. Morning birthday present to Kimberly and then some random talk by xiaohanlaoshi at tower hall. Slacked there until recess, and attempted compo after that but failed. No papers other than chinese back yet and i hope i do well :D I know i should. I studied hard :)

Oh well. Im satisfied today. I got to cycle whee~

2011-05-23T16:06:00.002+08:00

2011-05-22T12:42:00.001+08:00

Something like that.

2011-05-22T12:22:00.001+08:00

I had a dream.

I was at the top of the cliff, looking down at the sea, the waves crashing upon the shore. Some ships with thomas the tank engine kind of stupid head docked on the shore. My grip tightened. Foreigners from the ships came onto the shore, i fitted my bayonet onto the rifle muzzle. We stood up.

"On guard!" Someone shouted.

"Yeargh!" We went. The foreigners keep advancing.

They were close enough now, and we heard their words. It was distinctly japanese, but none of us understood. The japanese stood their ground and held their rifles.

"Yeargh!" And we charged. We had a better position as we were atop the cliff, but we were outnumbered 1 to around 5. As i neared my target, i slowed down, fear etching in my head, but the change was sudden. Adrenaline rush came, those kind when you really forget your fears, and i attacked. They surrounded me but i just slashed and jabbed. I wasnt sure whether those i hit were friend or foe, as it was blurry at that time, but i just slashed my bayonet.

It lasted for quite awhile, and eventually, it ended and we won, the bodies all around us. We did not know how many casualties we had, but we knew at least we won the first wave of the attacks. Somebody ran back to report to HQ. And i looked and smiled at my comrades. I remember hongyu was there. Haha. And weeliang too if im not wrong. It is kind of blurry now. But i know those were real people i could fight with, meaning my part people and some close ones.

And what woke me up was the second wave, when more japanese warships (with stupid thomas the tank engine head) came.

After i woke up i was WOW. Which normal person would think of Singapore getting invaded by Japan again. I mean its psycho to dream about war no? And its super realistic somemore. I remember the conversations and why we decided to use bayonets for the first wave. Save bullets. It was real scary and i actually felt the adrenaline rush in my sleep. OMG. Hahaha. I dont know why i had that dream, and whats going to happen for the second wave, maybe i will dream of it tonight.

Scary.

2011-05-21T16:53:00.001+08:00

You would know that i have rotted if i posted more than twice eh? Haha.

Another sucky day, i tell you, one of these days im going to cycle from my house all the way to marina barrage. Damn it. One of these days. Haiz.

Lets go!

2011-05-21T16:52:00.000+08:00

2011-05-21T15:34:00.001+08:00

2011-05-21T15:33:00.000+08:00

I feel real sucky now.

Its saturday.

2011-05-20T19:43:00.001+08:00

I want to be Iroh.

2011-05-20T18:09:00.002+08:00

So many many months that i did not see, i restrained and i stopped myself. 10 mins ago, i went to see and i gave up 5 mins later. Perhaps i am not interested anymore, perhaps i got over it already. Perhaps.

Sianing at home, jealous of everyone else who got to go out. Haha. I really do not understand my mum at all but so what, i stuck with her. Oh so well for me.

I want to be carefree, i want to find a girl who likes me as mush as i like her, i want to have no regrets, i want to have no worries, i want to leave a good memory for everybody, i want to have a happy family when im married, i want to be a better guy, i want to die young, i want to die as a hero.

I am just a man
Not superhuman

I'm gonna fight for what's right
Today i'm speaking my mind
And if it kills me tonight
I will be ready to die

A hero's not afraid to give his life
A hero's gonna save me just in time.

Bullshit. Im just a normal guy. Stupid dreams.

2011-05-19T16:28:00.000+08:00

2011-05-19T16:00:00.003+08:00

So many things happened during the time i didnt blog. So many things didnt happen too. It has been a whirl somehow and everything seemed dreamy. I cant describe it.

POP probably the most significant day, a day i finally felt ok to let it all down. I was really really touched that day, like kinda knowing that at least i contributed. It may not seem much, but i felt proud of myself and my part. We really went through alot alot and i think we did awesome. At least we had everyone still together until POP day. We passed out as one. We are proud of AHSNCC. And we definitely did AHSNCC proud.

After POP i received a message from Sir Tongwei:
"Today marks the end of ur life in Ahsncc, in particular ur role as a ps and pdi. From my short interactions with u over the past few months, I must say you are a uniquely committed individual. The wasy u carry out ur ps duties somehow reminds me of my old self 8 years ago. The worrier aspect, the level of commitment and the action of taking the onus upon urself to groom future leaders. Haha. Just being abit random. With this kind of determination,there's really no reason not to score well for ur exams. Time to put everything down and get used to life without Ahsncc. Study hard :) "
Once again i was touched, i feel appreciated for my efforts. I am so proud to be part of DELTA'11. Totally. I remembered all i went through, alone, and with the part. I enjoyed being OIC of bonding camp most, even though before that i was a wreck and needed support from important people, but its all worth it. I feel that i have been through really alot, abit more than some of my platoon mates even, but i feel glad i went through it. Its over, but at least i have the memories to cheer me up during down moments.

Do you know that i cried once during training, like totally breakdown kind, and Junliang actually thought it was his fault? I remember. Pds training on a rainy day, we went through hell in the concourse. I broke down, because my platoon mates reported sick one by one. Do you know how it feels like, when your over 10 squad got reduced to three or four. I cried, because i feel sad. Its like at that time we already have the connection, that you feel your platoon mate's pain, that even though you laugh at each other but inside you really care for each other. I care for my platoon mates, just that i dont show it. Somehow.

After POP was studying really hard, and im disappointed inside out. I really tried, but i dont think its paying off. I feel like a failure kinda.

Two three weeks of exams passed by so quickly, i also dont know what exactly happened, but now i feel so empty. Its like usually after MYE i would go out with 1B that kind of thing, but this year felt so different. After exams, i got nothing on. I got abit jealous imagining the sec 1 to 3 and maybe some sec 4 going for class outings and then i have nothing on. But in the end it was better because i went to eighteen chefs eat with yonghui yiliang and big nic, and i like those kind of environment, with small group of people you can really talk to kind. Haha.

As usual, i got alot alot alot things i want to say. But i dont feel comfortable saying it out. I dont feel like typing or sharing with others. Its like, so difficult to explain. Those inner turmoils cant be described. What i feel now is like a feeling of lost, being off target, confused kind. I really dont know how to explain. Emo my life. I wonder if others get this feeling too? Those kind of life is a merry-go-round feeling?

Anyway its only just the start of the craziness towards the olevels. Its going to be crazy, but i can make it. I still have time, to become what i hope to be. Until then.

Im getting weak from all the exams. Going to start running and training up soon. 15km after olevels!

2011-05-19T15:20:00.016+08:00

2011-03-30T00:02:00.000+08:00

So sick, so tired. Sucky.

2011-03-29T23:59:00.002+08:00

Looking back to my lower sec life once again, laughing at the elit drama and feeling the twinge. Life now is so hectic, i feel like giving up. I am trying very hard to do better, but results are not showing. I get scolded for every minor thing everyday at home. I feel worn out. I wanted to cry while watching the elit video, cos the times when everything was so slack and i didnt cherish my free time. And now im going through this retarded hectic phase and no matter how hard i try, results are still that horrible. I feel demoralised.

2011-03-25T21:35:00.001+08:00

Juniors PDS finals tomorrow. Im worried for them oh no. They better be worried now. Hopefully tomorrow will be an awesome day where everything will turn out right.

3 more trainings to my end of NCC life. 3 weeks.

All the way.

2011-03-22T21:09:00.001+08:00

Its 24 days to my POP.

Im actually looking forward to it. Oh no. I am ready to put all these down now. Whether i will be continueing my journey in NCC after that, i do not know. I doubt so but there may be exceptions. We shall see.

Feeling totally tired after training. Im getting old.

2011-03-20T19:28:00.002+08:00

Big Sis off to Siem Reap, Cambodia. Haiz that girl ah, keep flying around, just come back from Sydney only then fly off again. For leisure. Im so so so so so jealous. Overseas twice in like a month?!!

But Siem Reap is scary. Go see ghosts. Oops hope that doesnt happen. Mum and dad out to wedding dinner, left second sis and i at home. Chionging chemistry powerpoint. Ahhhh. Going bonkers now.

Abit high :D

2011-03-19T13:11:00.002+08:00

End of Basic PDS course in AHS. Im glad its over. Still find it a waste of time though. Boring, not very enjoyable. Only part i liked was the ending when they besurai-ed :D

Met different kinds of people. Some very interesting kinds. Further improved my teaching abilities. Haha. Didnt feel very good about failing some of them but it cant be helped. Oops.

Learnt things about AHS I never noticed or knew of before. Like theres the tree beside hostel that has a face of a woman on it. I saw it. And now i got a ghost story to accompany it.

Went to school study yesterday. Studied until library going to close, then went to ryans house run and swim. Totally shag when i reached home. Accomplished nothing at night and KO-ed without realising it.

Today. No mood start homework ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Its never ending i tell you. Emo me nemo.

2011-03-19T13:06:00.003+08:00

2011-03-14T17:29:00.002+08:00

I feel bugged by many things currently.

Back from bonding camp. I didnt really follow them so i dint know what happened. What i did was fun. First day, went there, go PTC then simpang to eat. Then i went to slack around and dinner. After that spent the whole night at AVT watching meet the fockers and SAW7. Grossed out until no one slept. Guanze keep saying he saw floating head. Stupid sensitive guy. Then didnt sleep the whole night. Joined Part A night raid at 4am. Went for PDS competition after that. Back camp. BBQ. HTHT. Slept for half an hour after that. Bathe. Breakfast. Slack in AVT. Lunch. Joined in activity. Break camp AAR.

Had many unglam parts where i dozed off like in HTHT and AAR. It was boring and i need my sleep anyway.

PDS competition wasnt very good. They barely scrapped through. I almost got them disqualified and that bugged me.

Went for BBQ at ryans house after camp. Eat and swim until 11plus.

Overslept and woke up at 12.30 today. Missed the bio lab thingy. Felt super guilty. Damn paiseh also. Went back to school. Find Mrs Lim. She say i cant retake :( emo my life.

Waited for rifles to come before going home. Course tomorrow. So sian. No mood. So many things bugging me. Hate this feeling.

Was that suppossed to mean anything?

2011-03-14T17:19:00.005+08:00

2011-03-07T17:46:00.000+08:00

Its a beautiful day~

2011-03-02T19:56:00.003+08:00

I dont feel myself at all. Not at all.

Im kind of suspended in nowwhere. I dont want to fall if there aint no one to catch me. I never wanted my life to turn out this way.

Please, i hope it will all turn out fine soon. Please.

Today wasnt a very happy day for me. I felt totally retarded and irritating. I went around irritating people and i know it but i just do it because im not myself today due to the fact that i feel totally suckish all over because it all sucks.

It really sucks. I want to punch the wall kick the pillow slam the door splash water many many things. SUCKS.

Went to see bball finals after bonding camp meeting. Got me slightly pumped and it was a nice game i would say. Im impressed :) What bugged me was people jeering. If people did that to me i would feel totally out of place.

Hmm i really really want everything to be satisfactory, but as people said, its the difference between want and need that matters. Seems like this "want" of mine will take some time.

The world is square.

2011-02-28T17:04:00.002+08:00

Ubin was fun. Woke up at 3.30am to get to school. Headed off to changi jetty at 6 and reached at around 6.40. Took the first bumboat and caught the sunrise. Sad thing is my phone cam too lousy.

Slacked at Ubin until 9. Started orienteering. Was the guide for Irwin and Soonching. Went for patrol hike with weeliang after that. Speeding down hills and almost crashing into people. Oh ya and huge gigantic spiders! Hahaha.

Muster parade in the sea. Got trapped when high tide suddenly came haha. Totally fun.

And i've got a nice tan :D

Bonding camp soon.

2011-02-28T16:29:00.017+08:00

2011-02-21T17:30:00.002+08:00

Oh well. Weeks are passing by like sound. Week 8 already.

Not in the chiong mood still. I spent my weekend wasted. Oh no. Thats bad. Chem common test tomorrow. I better do well.

My knees have been hurting. Seems like i stressed them too much. Got to eat some supplements maybe? Haha. Been really abnormal these few days. Sleeping at gay timings. And i could have slept earlier, just that i didnt, and fall asleep immediately when im in bed.

Wow haha. PDS hasnt been going smoothly, im worried. Competition soon. Looking forward to going ubin. I want a nice tan! YAY!

Shall go study.

2011-02-21T17:17:00.005+08:00

2011-02-10T18:17:00.002+08:00

My day today was well.

Strangely, i felt free today. No more attachments, no more thinking of stupid things, impossible stuff. And i did amath surprisingly fast today and the miracle is, i actually get amath!!!! But some people just have to come tell me "Differentiation is the easiest chapter ever" But it didnt ruin my mood because at least i get it. Finally wooho yeah~~~

Been having an awesome week and really motivated to study. Nearing end of week 6, much put oil. Valentines on monday but PE tomorrow lalala. Its so exciting!

Hahaha im learning to let go. Abit late but better late than never. My world is slightly rounder again.

Im happy.

Happy Lunar New Year!

2011-01-31T00:36:00.002+08:00

My mood to day was just like the never ending rain. Totally down.

Wasnt feeling my best today. Same old thing bugging me. I am sad. Wasted my whole day practically. Rainy days are tempting to sleep.

Accomplished nothing except finishing bzbd just now. Bio test tomorrow, training, home. Chinese new year in a few days. Valentines too :(

Wasnt able to go reunion dinner with platoon mates today. Its not i dont want to go, is i not allowed to go. Emo my life. Haiz.

Its not that i dont want to sleep. Its already 12.30. Its just that i cant sleep. Oh well. Its going to be a better day.

2011-01-29T14:09:00.003+08:00

Today was the first time i have been mistaken to be not singaporean. Amazing.

Well, NCC reunion dinner suppossed to be today but it changed again in the last minute. Haiz. Woke up at 7 to accompany my parents to the airport. Had breakfast there and sent them off. They going to china for 1 week plus. So cool. Haha going shanghai, then fuzhou, xiamen, hangzhou. Im not jealous hahaha. Actually, i refused to go or else i would have been in china now. :D

Training yesterday was not smooth. I still havent mastered the art of scamming the cadets fully. Emo much. But still, they were promoted in the end.

Planning to chiong study today. Hopefully i wont get distracted haha.

2011-01-27T00:18:00.002+08:00

It has been a real productive night. Was really really enjoying it. I feel so confident doing physics now. Hopefully tomorrow's test will be a breeze. Was impressed that i actually managed to remember all those weird stuff.

I hope im improving.

2011-01-26T18:33:00.003+08:00

It wasnt empty talk. I really went to run.

Long day in school. Chem test first period. Pray pray. SS, ms noriff made me doze off. Emath, KO. Amath, dont get it. Geog test, emo my life. English. Assembly.

Stayed back in class for awhile. Waited for people to leave and then i went to change and off to run outside school. I dont know how to describe the feeling. Its like you are weightless. I ran along the canal which is quite peaceful and not many people. Birds making weird noises. Its really nice to run there. Ran to temasek sec and abit further, before finally looping back to school. Took around 35 minutes, most probably is around 5km.

I wouldnt mind doing so again next wednesday.

Did class notice board after running. Looks nice :D Home in the rain and bathed. Feeling totally energised now. I am going to study hard for physics test tomorrow. With my 2nd pack of twisties. Better than chunhan with his 3 packets of zooland.

Tomorrow will pass quickly. Just like how my week has.

2011-01-26T00:29:00.002+08:00

I thought about why enemies end up as lovers in the end. And i came up with this.

Because you hate your enemy, you spend more than half your free time thinking about how to kill your enemy, which equals to you thinking of your enemy. The more you think the more you realise the good points and then you fall in love.

Hahaha due to my good point, now mediacorp must think of new dramas.

I will survive school later. 2 tests. Hopefully i will get high marks.

2011-01-25T16:11:00.002+08:00

Haha slack day.

It feels weird to be able to go home early, to not have anything on. No CCA, no crap, no nothing. Feels weird.

Didnt do much in school today. Slept during reading period. Listen to songs during english in computer lab, did nothing during recess, asked questions during physics and mix chemicals in double chemL.

Nothing mentally draining on. Yup and home early for once. Wow.

I am going to run tomorrow :D

2011-01-25T16:04:00.002+08:00

Listen to Chunhan. Max your volume and hear what he has to say. Funny. Accent included.

2011-01-24T20:23:00.003+08:00

Went to Parkway Parade and JooChiat with my mum and sister after training. I bought myself 2 packets of twisties and feel strangely contented. I havent felt go peace at heart for a long time.

Weird? Its only 2 packs of twisties. I dont know why i felt that way. But i know at least i have something to accompany me tonight. I dont feel like sleeping again, even though i am totally exhausted from training and all the homework.

Ms Lim gave some questions to do over the weekends. I managed to finish 1a), b) and c) already super happy. I feel so useless. People say Amath is simple but i just dont get it. However, sitting in the front has its good points. I can see the board without obstructions. I can understand things better. I can ask questions easily. And choochunhan right beside me has been extremely helpful.

But still, all this aint enough to get me through. Alot of crap to go through, alot to take. Its depressing sometimes.

I have decided to go for a run outside of school every wednesday after school. Maybe after bell ring, i go change or something and go for a short run. But i dont like to run alone and im kind of shy of asking people to run with me. What should i do?

I doubt im sleeping early tonight. Its you and me, twisties.

2011-01-22T20:50:00.004+08:00

2011-01-22T20:46:00.002+08:00

Cip today ended up in me doing retarded things and getting caught on tape.

During cip, i had fun and forgot about all my troubles. I became high and went around doing stupid things. Ate like 1 packet of rice, 1 packet beehoon, 5 chicken wings, 2 fishballs, 1 weird thingy. Totally crazy.

Other stupid things which i will not say cos its really stupid until cannot be more stupid. Live demo of what i do when im high :D

I had fun today.